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Being an equestrian is hilarious sometimes. There’re so many funny things that can happen around a barn, especially when horses are involved! Telling horse jokes and puns is one way to add more humor at the barn.
You’ve got to have a good sense of humor when you spend all your time, energy, and money on horses. Normal people don’t do that. Luckily, one of the best things we can do is laugh about all the silly things that happen along the way.
If you want to be the one to tell the funniest horse jokes, you’ve come to the perfect place! Below, we have a collection of the most hilarious horsey puns you can impress your friends with.
Best Horse Jokes
1. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth? A mechanic.
2. What’s the hardest thing about learning to ride a horse? The ground!
3. What do you call a horse that lives next door to you? A neigh-bour.
4. What do you call a horse that stays up late? A night-mare.
5. Have you heard about the runaway horse? It’s a tale of WHOA!
6. A horse walks into a bar. “Hey,” says the barman. “Yes please,” says the horse.
7. Where do horses go when they’re sick? The horse-pital.
8. When does a horse talk? Whinney wants to!
9. Why did the horse eat with its mouth open? Because it had bad stable manners.
10. What did the horse say when it fell over? I’ve fallen over and I can’t giddyup!
11. What was the horse scared of getting during summer? Hay fever!
12. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse.
13. What are horses’ favorite sports? Stable tennis and barn ball!
14. What do you give a sick horse? A Cough stirrup.
15. What did the mare say to its foal? “Hay, pasture bedtime!”
16. Why are horses so healthy? They have a stable diet.
17. What score did the horse get in his exam? Hay-plus.
18. Who were the two best horse thieves in the world? Bonnie and Clydesdale!
19. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
20. Which side of a horse has more hair? The outside.
21. You’ll never find a horse using an Android phone. They only like Apple’s.
22. Why did the horse run away in the middle of its wedding? It got colt feet!
23. What do you call a horse that’s not wearing a saddle? Neigh-ked!
24. This one horse always has a bad attitude. She keeps saying, “Neigh.”
25. Who do ponies call when they’re possessed by demons? An ex-horse-ist!
26. What do you call a horse that’s a world traveler? A globe-trotter!
27. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asked him, “Why the long face?”
28. What’s the difference between horses and zebras? Zebras are just horses that have escaped from prison.
29. If she doesn’t rein it in a bit with the gossip, she’s going to stirrup trouble!
30. What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses? Bronchitis.
Best Horse Racing Jokes
In most countries, horse racing is a centuries-old tradition with its own unique world. It’s also a sport where great jokes are born, and here are the best ones for everyone to enjoy!
1. How do you make a small fortune on horse racing? Start with a large fortune.
2. Did you hear what happened at the racetrack yesterday? One horse was so slow, they had to pay the jockey overtime.
3. Do you know why horse stalls at the racetrack are labeled A, B, D, E, and F? Because no one wants to bet on a seahorse.
4. How do you get a jockey to wait a moment? Tell him to hold his horses!
5. There’s only one time vampires like watching a horse race. When it’s neck and neck.
6. What kind of bread does a racehorse eat? Thoroughbred.
7. Why is it hard so hard to carry on a conversation with racehorses? They don’t stand around furlong!
8. What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race? Sherbet.
9. Why did the owner name his racehorse ‘Bad News’? Because bad news travels fast.
10. What is one of the hardest times to win a horse race? 12:31, because it is 29 to 1.
Best Horse Knock Knock Jokes
Everyone loves a good knock-knock joke. If you’re an equestrian, you’ll appreciate these top-quality horse knock-knock jokes!
1. Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Quiet horse.
Quiet horse, who?
(In a whisper), “your neigh-bour…”
2. Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Toledo.
Toledo who?
Toledo horse to water is easy. To make him drink is not.
3. Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Charlie.
Charlie who?
Charlie horse!
4. Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Horsp.
Horsp who?
Did you just say “horse poo?”
5. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Loud horse.
Loud horse, who?
A loud horse that wants to annoy you!