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10 Things to Expect When Dating a Horse Girl

10 Things to Expect When Dating a Horse Girl

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She’s sweet, funny, your mom loves her…and her best friend is a horse. Barn gossip, sweat, and a little more sawdust than you may have counted on are just a few things that you will be getting in this new relationship.

So, saddle up buckeroo, you’re in for a bumpy ride.

Ten things to expect when you’re dating a horse girl:

1. You will hear all about the drama at the stable yard daily

Horse barn gossip meme
studiostoks /

You thought you had drama at work, but you were wrong. Apparently, the stable yard is the place to be with all the best gossip and drama unfolding.

When dating a horse girl the stories will never end. The stable yard is quite possibly like its own version of EastEnders. You will never be sure what dramatics will have surfaced by the end of the day.

Your horse girl will let you know every little detail about how Tracey used Sharon’s wood chip fork again without asking.

And how Sally upset Tanya because she turned her horse out into the wrong field.

Then there was the shocking incident when Karen told Jane that her horse looked lame and Jane disagreed which has now resulted in a huge argument and Claire the yard manager has asked Karen to leave the yard! I mean you just couldn’t make it up.

A piece of advice, it is best to not get involved because you will never be right. Be supportive, encouraging, or concerned, but never set your opinion free.

Also Read: What are horse girls? Meme explained.

2. You will never be priority No. 1

Girl kissing a horse
AnnaElizabeth photography /

When dating a horse girl you need to understand very early on that you will never (and we do mean never) be her number 1 priority as long as her horse is in the equation.

Her trusty steed will always take that no. 1 spot and you will need to learn your place pretty quickly in this complicated triangle.

Her horse is so high up on that pedestal (think way up in the clouds somewhere) that for the most part, you won’t even get a look in.

The bond between a girl and her horse is one of a kind. A connection that is so strong it can never be broken. We’re sorry to say, you just can’t compare.

However, there is comfort in knowing that as long as you can truly appreciate and accept this unique relationship for what it is, it is safe to say you will always be her favorite No. 2.

3. Your weekends will never be the same again

If you have always thought your weekends were your own then you may start to question this when dating a horse girl.

As far as a horse girl is concerned the weekends are purely reserved for attending shows and competitions with the no. 1 equine in her life, particularly during the summer months.

However, that doesn’t mean her no. 2 shouldn’t be there right? After all who else is going to drive the horsebox?

Expect to spend most of your weekends driving and standing around outside in the elements whilst playing skivvy for the day (sorry we mean groom!).

You will be required to capture every single moment on camera (don’t even think about skipping this bit) and will need to pretend you are enjoying every single moment of it.

Also, you need to be prepared to do the odd bit of poo picking just to add some variety into your day. You’re there to serve and be at your horse girl’s beck and call. That is all!

4. You will be poor for the rest of your life

Financial cost of dating a horse girl

If you ever dreamed of a life with riches then a horse girl may not be for you.

It doesn’t matter if you wanted to go on that expensive holiday with her or buy a new car, her horse will always be the no. 1 priority.

In all fairness, her horse really does need that new costly saddle (customized, obviously), 3 numnahs (for matchy matchy purposes), the latest turn out rug (because 8 isn’t enough), 2 pairs of traveling boots (for all those shows you will be attending) and the rhinestone browband (that all her horsey friends have).

Never question how many rugs her horse needs. This is not your business and you are not required to comment.

In fact, if you are planning on buying a new vehicle you will be required to purchase a new horsebox because it’s much more practical.

There’s no doubt about it, horses are an expensive business and you will likely find yourself very poor when dating a horse girl.

All her money will go into her pride and joy. In fact, all your money will too!

5. Dinner for one

Dating a horse girl

Gone are the days of a nice cosy dinner when you are dating a horse girl.

The loneliness is real and a Marks and Spencer’s dinner for 1 will be on the cards most evenings.

A horse girl’s life is never a 9-5 affair. Her evenings will be mostly spent riding, feeding, and generally faffing around her horse (she may even temporarily forget who you are).

Owning a horse takes lots of time and patience (you will need lots of the latter) and there is no such thing as a quick job when dealing with horses. Clock watching will likely be a regular occurrence for you.

If she tells you she will be home at 6pm you should expect this to be nearer 8pm with no questions asked.

The likelihood of company during dinner is pretty slim and you need to remember that her horse will always be fed much better than you are.

Your horse girl is likely to spend many hours on an evening at the stable yard and you can be sure there is a very good reason (just don’t question it for a peaceful life).

6. She will smell like a stable when she returns home

The smell of horses is about as real as it gets. If you can’t deal with the reek that a stable yard brings (think poo, urine, and sweaty odors) then you may want to reconsider dating a horse girl.

Taking care of horses is not as glamorous as it may seem. It’s a life of continually clearing up poop and getting dirty, wet, and somewhat sweaty.

The stench of horses will be all over your horse girl when she (finally) returns home. It is true to say it can all be pretty whiffy!

In fact, horses are so stinky that the smell seeps in deep through the pores of the skin.

It can be very difficult to eliminate said odour even after using soap and water numerous times.

Horse riding jackets will not be your best friend and tend to smell pretty rank. Do not expect this jacket to be washed any time soon (they take far too long to dry!).

Do not under any circumstances mention anything about your horse girl smelling when she returns home.

It is likely she will have no idea what you are referring to and will have been immune to it for years.

8. Conversations will usually start with ‘[insert horse’s name here]’

Girl talking about her horse with a bored boyfriend
Antonio Guillem / Shutterstock

When dating a horse girl, regular everyday conversations are scarce.

A simple conversation about how her day has been or what you will be buying from the supermarket this week will always result in horse talk.

You better get used to her horse’s name because you can be sure she will wear it out.

Her horse is her life and she is capable of placing her horse’s name in any (and we mean any) given conversation.

The good news is you are not required to know everything there is to know about her horse. She will not require you to join in the conversation should you wish not to.

It is important however that you practice the art of nodding in all the right places and listen attentively to what she has to say. It is, however, likely you will get questioned on this later. Be prepared at all times.

7. You will need to be prepared to saddle up!

This is something you probably don’t even want to hear, but it’s important you comply.

At some point or another (we hope in the distant future for your own sake) your horse girl will want you to ride her horse.

It doesn’t matter that you have never ridden a horse before or that you have no balance and core strength.

It doesn’t matter that you are scared out of your wits to get on her 17hh OTTB. And it certainly doesn’t matter that you don’t want to because quite frankly, you WILL!

At some point, you will be expected to saddle up. After all her horse is an absolute angel (questionable?) and would never do anything remotely scary or out of the way for the favorite no. 2 in her life.

If however, you are that way inclined and up for a challenge do not expect this to be a regular occurrence even if you did thoroughly enjoy the experience.

Your horse girl will not under any circumstances be sharing her no. 1 equine friend with you and you will need to back off and buy your own.

9. Safety will always be a concern

Equestrian girl skeleton meme

It’s true to say there will always be an element of worry when dating a horse girl.

Riding horses is a risky sport at the best of times. At times there is always a chance your horse girl will get seriously hurt or injured.

There will be instances you’d rather not hear about such as rotational falls on the cross country course and fractured toes from getting trod on. There will always be a ton of near misses that you wish you didn’t know about.

Never suggest to your horse girl that riding is a risky sport. She will not want to entertain this type of negativity towards the sport she loves.

If she acknowledged this she would never get on her beautiful ‘never put a foot wrong’ horse again.

As far as she is concerned she is wearing her riding hat to standards PAS 015 (1998/2011) with BSI kitemark: PAS015 and her horse is an angel.

This means she will be safe at all times. You do not probe, you do not question, you worry in silence on your own.

10. The positives (there are some!)

Horse girls hard to afford meme

On the flip side, it isn’t all doom and gloom. When you decide to start dating a horse girl you will have found yourself a fiercely loyal individual.

One who understands fully the meaning of commitment. A hardworking, grafter who will never give up on her dreams.

Horse girls are usually pretty disciplined and resilient thanks to all the ups and downs of horse ownership. Goal setting is one of the things horse girls do best!

You will often find they are also skilled problem solvers (the no problem too big type).

If you have a competitive streak yourself you could be a wonderful match. Horse girls love the thrill of the competition.

One thing you can be sure of is her understanding of what a true partnership is all about. Horse girls have so much love to give (unconditional love at that).

Always have comfort in knowing that you may not be the overall no. 1 in her life, but you will be a very worthy runner up!

Make sure to share this article and tag your boyfriend, although it’s already too late!

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